Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
