As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
