I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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