Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
