u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
