you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
