In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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