...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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