I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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