So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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