iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
