I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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