I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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