Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
