I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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