youre lurking in front of me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
