Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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