Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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