dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
