I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dicks are not precious.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
