You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
