I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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