I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
