Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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