i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
