you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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