i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize