when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
