Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
