home. puking in laundry basket.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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