I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
