I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
