I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
