yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
