woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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