How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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