So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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