So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
