I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found the puke drawer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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