OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
