I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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