Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
