i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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