New invention idea: vibrating tampons
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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