I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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