I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
