my mouth tastes like poor choices
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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