Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
