Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
