ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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