It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The ass gains better be worth it
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