Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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