I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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