im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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