oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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