Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
