feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
