This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
