I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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