textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
