you guys were way drunker than both of me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
