When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
