my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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