I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
