I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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