the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
