i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
