and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
