This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
