Pappa wants mamma naked
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
