I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
