So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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