Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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