I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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